A Good Week

I am trying to stay positive.

Last week (September 13 - 17) had its extremes ups and downs. I went to work Monday and managed to put on "the mask of duty". But really, I was panicking inside. Thank goodness my first period class was taken over by the other teacher, Ms. Kobayashi. Tuesday was exhausting because I had 4 classes and couldn't focus my head to really teach the classes all that well. I went home feeling defeated. Wednesday was much better. I had two enthusiastic first-year classes and they really boosted my spirits. Thursday and Friday almost felt normal.

I haven't told my students why I missed the first week and a half of the second semester. I feel as though I will lose my composure if I do tell them. Also, for some reason, I feel like I should be inpenetrable when I am in front of them. Since being a teacher in Japan, I have only cried twice in a pity-party sort of way due to the stresses of work, an unmanagable class, or something like that. Both times were in the seclusion of my classroom on the 4th floor of the 2nd building so I highly doubt anyone else at school was aware.
As a high school student, I can only recall one time when a teacher cried in front of the students due to her own struggle with a chronic illness. I was floored. Then again, I could fully understand everything she said to me and that wouldn't be the case with my students, especially since my English while crying isn't all that clear.

This week was even better. Monday was a holiday so I spent the 3-day weekend at my aunt and uncle's place in Kamakura. I love going there because it is so relaxing. Sure, it was busy around the station and beach, but I spent most of the time with my aunt and uncle, reading manga, listening to the birds, and watching the sumo tournament on TV.

After the 3-day weekend, I came back to a 3-class work week. This is almost unheard of for me since I have a 17-class work week. Insane. Monday was a national holiday (Respect for the Aged Day), Tuesday was morning classes only in order to prepare for..., Wednesday: the school's Field Day. I didn't take any pictures this year, but if you would like to look at previous years' picture, they can be seen here and here. Thursday was ALSO a national holiday (Autumn Equinox) and it rained all day. But with the rain came Autumn. The temperature FINALLY went below 30 C and today is very cool as well. Since there wasn't much chance of getting out, I cleaned the apartment which has desperately been needing my attention. And today, I had 3 second-year classes and we talked/wrote about movies, books, comics, and TV shows. I had a lot of fun and the students took up the writing assignment enthusiastically. Sometimes students can really surprise you!

Tonight, I will have dinner with a good friend, Joe, and then spend some time at home tomorrow Skyping and relaxing and getting back to studying for another JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency Test) in December.

By the way, I failed the July test, but only the grammar section. I am not too surprised since I didn't feel all that confident after the test. This year, the examinee must pass all three sections of the test. I passed kanji reading/vocabulary usage and listening, but my grammar was dismal at only 30%. So I guess I know what I need to work on.

Grief still comes suddenly. Before this post, I was looking through pictures of my nephews and nieces and thought just how precious family truly is. I am so glad I will be coming home for Christmas time for almost 3 weeks. Don't be surprised if I only stick around with them. If you want to see me, you may have to come see me on my turf at 1111. I love that address...

Loss, Shock, Grief, and more

As some of my readers already know, my family has had a sudden loss.

Words seem really pointless to try to process my feelings and my grief, especially to do so on a public forum.

Now I am back in Japan, back to work, and don't feel like myself.

Deep breaths.