Dread

So I didn't fully prepare what I am going to teach today because I have three class periods and lunch to figure it out. The not-fully-planning situation is obviously my fault.

And I suppose that the reason I didn't plan anything is that I'm suffering from a bit of dread. Last Tuesday, my afternoon classes were back-to-back mandatory English OC I classes. The students in them obviously did not put learning English at a high priority. And I'm in an awkward position in that I'm the ASSISTANT teacher. There is a Japanese Teacher of English (JTE) in the room with me, but I form all the lesson plans, make sure I have all the materials, and execute the lesson while the JTE mostly assists in translating directions and if we're floating around the classroom to help individual work. So since the JTE is there, I feel a bit out of place to be "disciplining" students although a few of them were outright rude.

And even as I'm typing this, I'm realizing.... that dreading something only brings out the certainty that the result will be dreadful. If I go into class with the attitude, "Oh no, I really don't want to teach this class," I will probably get the response, "Oh no, I really don't want to be in this class." Yet the practical side of me is kicking in, saying, "Why put so much energy into making a class fun to an unappreciative audience?" Whoa... what kind of attitude is that? Each class should have the same amount of enthusiasm, regardless of the interest-level of my students. Or at least, that's what my teacher-training is saying. In reality, I'm fighting with myself on what exactly to do to get the students interested in learning English, especially something as boring as infinitives.

I'm not out for universal popularity. Dumbledore himself never had a day pass when he didn't receive an owl from someone else telling him how to run his school. *sigh* Here I go to work, scrambling for a better attitude.