It is sad that I start looking forward to the weekend on Monday.
I keep trying to pinch myself that I am in Japan, a place I have always wanted to be, and that I have a really sweet set-up paying only $150 in rent a month, getting lunch everyday, getting to see so many things, studying Japanese with the help of native speakers, etc.
And yet, when I come to school, I feel so insignificant and incapable of managing the task set before me: teaching.
Today is another one of those mornings.
I do not feel fully prepared, my room is a mess thanks to some students who eat in there, I had to confiscate another cellphone, and I have yet another Tuesday ahead of me.
I am debating with myself to either do a new seating arrangement of the whole class, of only particular students who need to be moved, or not at all.
1) If I do the whole class... that is A LOT of work. And since I do not know my students very well, this could turn out to be more of a disaster than the original plan. Maybe if I make it clear that this is a temporary setup...
2) If I only do the particular students who are disruptive... I am predicting/paranoia that the students will go home and tell their parents what happened. Hello? You are disrupting my class, openly disrespectful to me and to the JTE, what did you expect? Of course, in a passive-aggressive country, this may be considered more of a bold move than option #1. I am tired of being passive-aggressive. I want to say exactly what has been burning in my mind for the last 3 weeks. The students wouldn't understand all the words, but I am sure that the tone of voice and the deadly look on my face might communicate better. My patience is coming to an end...
3) If I do not change a thing about seating... I will be pushing insanity if I thought that this situation will resolve itself on its own. I would love to wait until the next term, but I am not sure that I would feel any more eager to do this than in December or January.
I am so homesick.
And just thinking/typing/reading that almost got me crying.
No matter how I feel now, tomorrow is coming, so I might as well brace myself for it.
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3 comments:
oh jill. i feel rather similarly to you...and for me it´s been only 3 weeks. 2 months for you surely is a hard point. hang in there! i know you´re doing the very best you can and i´m confident what you do is good! allow yourself to cry when you need to...it helps! love you.opx
I would go with door number TWO. Their behavior is not acceptable, they know it, they need to know that they cannot get away with it.
An explosion might be satisfying in the short run, but would diminish you in their eyes (and your own).
Don't forget to pray about it, then use your best judgment. You're a good teacher or you wouldn't even care. I have confidence in you.
Dadro
Ohhh my word, I sooo know how you feel.
Every Sunday I just don't know: a) how the weekend is already over, and b) how I can possibly do it again.
I'm glad that we found each other's blogs! It is rather nice to be able to share these experiences from around the world. What a weird, awesome, huge opportunity.
Hang in there, sister! Or as they say in Africa, "seestah!" None of us know what we're doing. ;)
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